If you’re a single Christian of any age, you’ve probably encountered the dreaded question: “When are you getting married?” Several responses probably go through your mind before settling on the polite: “I haven’t met the right person yet.”
Singleness is often treated like a dirty word.
Culture and society have taught us that being single is something to be looked down upon, to be pitied or to be ashamed of. As a result, we often find ourselves asking the “why me?” question.
“Why am I still single?”
Many single Christians can’t wait to be married with no real context or understanding of why they want to be married. We are bound to the idea that we can only fully live once we have a spouse, therefore we live a life in chains at a time when we should be most free!
For many of us, singleness feels like a time of waiting between our current situation and the life we so desperately desire. Waiting to find a spouse (or to be found) can feel like a wasted season which quickly becomes a frustrated season.
But please hear this: However you feel about being single, someone else can relate.
The enemy wants to make you feel isolated when so many others are waiting and trusting God, just like you! However, waiting does not mean stagnation. You will never get a time like this again.
Your single season should be your most empowered season.
Many of us feel lost because we don’t realize there is purpose in every stage of life — whatever stage that might be (singleness, included). Whether we’re married or unmarried, God has an assignment for us to complete.
Your assignment requires certain characteristics to be built in you before God entrusts you to it. I once heard it put this way: “You cannot build a skyscraper on a chicken coop foundation!”
God sees where he wants you to be in a year, five years, or twenty years time. He is too good to give you something right now that, on the wrong foundation, could destroy you!
He knows what he Has placed inside of you and He wants to use all of it.
Now you might be thinking: “That’s all very nice, but I’m ready for marriage!” Often, we are so firmly fixed on the future, we miss what God is doing right now.
Just like we can’t control other people’s opinions, we can’t compare our journey to someone else’s… and, your journey is tied to your assignment. God is preparing you accordingly.
Before a spouse, we need to be rooted in Christ. God wants us to be complete in Him first. Once we know who we are in Him, we stop living for the approval of man — we begin to live for God’s “well done.” As we exalt him, we focus less on what we think we’re missing and our selfish priorities become less important. We begin to see with eyes of faith instead of fear.
God wants to give us good gifts but He doesn’t want our leftovers. He won’t be second best, and sometimes it takes difficult seasons to teach us this reality. When we give God first priority, everything else is seen in its proper perspective.
Has it ever occurred to you that you have been chosen to walk this path so that your testimony would bring glory to God?
God has entrusted you with being a single Christian; it is a privilege, not a punishment!
When you choose to do things God’s way, you reflect His light in a world that denies him. It may hurt to be single for a season; you may have to swallow your pride daily, but if you channel your experiences into helping others change their perspective, you’ll be amazed what God can do through you.
The way you live as a single Christian is important for your future, whether that includes marriage or not. So, if you learn to be selfless while you’re single, you’re learning to be selfless in marriage and in other areas of your life. Don’t let the enemy rob you of a valuable time of growth.
So, why not spend less time asking why you’re still single, and more time cultivating a real walk with Jesus? Here are some practical steps you can take:
- Be intentional in spending time with God; that means developing a prayer life that spans your week — and not just Sunday.
- Spend time reading the Word daily and surround yourself with godly influences (friends, media) that will pull you towards God, rather than away from him.
- Shut off distractions which fuel comparison, such as taking breaks from social media. Spend that time feeding your soul.
- Love, serve, and give to others without expecting anything in return.
- And, if we’re going to be really real and practical, could it be time to stop paying for that online dating profile and invest in becoming a better version of you!
Remember that wherever you are in life, some things need to go, while others need to grow. Ask God to reveal to you his purpose for your life and current season. He created you!
And, if it feels like God is stripping you down to your foundation, thank Him! He wants to build something lasting that you could never build for yourself.
Marriage, believe it or not, is not God’s ultimate goal for your life.
He is after your heart.